Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
