I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
