Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
