Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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