Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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