I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
