Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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