After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
