This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
