I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
