Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
