You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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