so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
