My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
