you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
