well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
