If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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