I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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