Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
