he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
