There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
