Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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