from now on my penis is your penis
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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