im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
