Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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