Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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