my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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