Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
