We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
