It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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