i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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