I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
