it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
