so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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