Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
