I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My vagina just recognized that song.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
