life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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