Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
