1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
