hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
