apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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