come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
