I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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