Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
