Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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