hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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