I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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