Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
