Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
