I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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