Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
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