3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
