Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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