i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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