my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
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