Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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