We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
